Lay with me, let's just breathe...

Working. Doctors visits. Not being able to see my boyfriend until the weekends. my brother being in Texas without any meds. Insecurities. Not being worth it. being stuck in this fucked up job for years more. not making enough money. someone being angry at me.

These are the things that give me anxiety. And lately, it has been ALL i can think about. it has been so bad that it is even affecting my relationship with Easton negatively. I just can't get past it. it is SO hard. i can't wait to get my hands on these meds. I knwo they will help at least a little.

I feel so stupid tho. i was never like this--worrying abotu everything on the face fo the earth so much i can't function and am terrified of working. Yes, terrified. One time, i was havign SUCH a rough time, i remember telling my dad through sobs " I can't do it" over and over and over and over again. I feel like i am quickly moving back to that point.

The thing is tho, all these things i am worrying about, aren't that big of a deal. i mean, my job i hate--but at leats i HAVE a job. i don't make enough money--but my tax return is coming soon. people being angry with me--it happens, and there is nothing i can do about it. doctor's visits and health--they are a necessary part of life and at least i have health incurance to go there and be healthy. Not being able to see Easton much--at least i get to see him and it's not like he lives 12970534897 hours away. My brother is in Texas and having a hard time with meds... and i miss him bunches--he will be ok. he is an adult now and can handle his own. i just shouldn't worry about that because it is illogical.

And as soon as i get my tax return, i am fixing my car, and saving the rest to begin to save so i can move out. it needs to happen.

My life is not bad. Not bad at all. It may have some hard things going on, but God never gives me more than i can handle. that is something that i am continually reminding myself.

I love you all. :)