Art Show

Hello everyone! So i will be participating in an art show this Saturday, January 31st. Everyone should come!!!!!

here is the link with more info:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=274409711514&index=1

Love

Yesterday i went to see my friend Janet. She lives at Gordon College, the college i failed out of, lol. It was kinad difficult to go back there...i still feel sort of like a failure seeing all these kids working through school, and the kids i went to school with graduating this year. But my visit was just to see Janet, and to pick up some of the pictures i took of her and her now ex-boyfriend, Austin. It was very good to see her. I haven't seen her in over a year.

So today, as i am at work, i am looking through the 500+ pics i now have of them, and can see how much i have grown as a photographer, and it makes me happy. Because these pictures are not bad i think, but i couuuuld have done better with training. So editing will be fun. :)

Also, as i looked through them, the love written all over their faces made me melt. And it made me think of Easton, the guy i am currently seeing. I haven't had the best of luck with guys...especially since the rape back on december of 2008. It has been a long difficult journey, sprinkled with panic attacks, therapy, and soul searching. I found out i have SO MANY friends who care about me, and what a real elationship is not. 2009 was FAR from easy, or fun, and i wouldn't wish what i went through on anyone, but i am glad i went through what i did--i have learned and grown so much--and in such a way that i don't think i would have learned these things without going through exactly what i wenty through.

But back to Easton lol. He treats me like i am a rare gem. he says the sweetest things to me everyday. treats me with respect, and truly cares about me. I sincerely hope things go well, and that this doesn't end in heartbreak, just as every other "relationship" i have had in the past has ended. I have never been in love.... but i feel like i am falling for him? and he for me? i use question marks because, like i said, i have never been in love. I am so afraid though.... i have been hurt before so many MANY times... i feel like no good guy exists. So far, though, Easton has proved me wrong. I hope and pray this goes well.

That's all for now...i have much hope for 2010 :) <3

To be cherished...

So last year was bad. Terrible. Emotionally scarring and tragic. I would love to erase 2009 from the boards....but then again, i don't. Everything that happened to me from December 2008 until now has been difficult, but it has SERIOUSLY had me introspective and i saw a lot of myself that i would not have seen before. I feel like after all that happened, i am finally back to being myself again. But, not the SAME self--more like Danae 2.0. I can recognize now unhealthy ways of thinking, and try and stop anxiety or panic attacks from taking over. Before, when i would get ridiculously angry over everything, i used to think crying was weak. That was because of the way i grew up with my dad. But now, i have the appropriate emotional responses when i need to.... instead of getting angry and going on a rampage when i am upset at something, i cry. normal response. Bad situations, but they have helped mold me into a healthier person. Silver lining, :).

I have also realized what i want out of a relationship. I am tired of the guys who are full of themselves, and just want to stick it into whatever they can. I am tired of the guys who don't treat women like they are humans with feelings. I am tired of guys who won't grow a pair of balls and DATE a chick, but instead, do everything that two people in a couple do, but say we're not dating. FUCK that. I am SO worth more than that. I am waiting until that respectable guy who will LOVE me shows. i know he is out there. I know i am worth it. and i am not going to settle anymore.

As Christina always says, "Fists held high!"

<3

2:11

I photographed my first show if 2010 on Friday night, and it was EPIC. So many good bands, and i made a few very fruitful connections. I can't wait until i can do my next shoot--which is tonight! i am photographing Scotty Damgaard at Harper's Ferry at 9. Scotty said he would pay me AND put em on the guest list so i didn'ty have to pay for a ticket! I am so excited that things are finally coming together.

Mom also said i should write up a business plan. I am planning on doing that sometime this week. I have done it before for an old friend, so why not do it for myself? As for my mini plan now? Get a website, get business cards, and get a business e-mail address. Mom said that there is federal funding for women who want to start their own small business.... so i am definitely looking into that!! that would be so exciting!

But for now, i will stay at my dead end job, where i get paid very little, but have benefits, and keep the gigs as side jobs. Eventually, if i keep plugging away, i hopefully won't even need this job, but let's keep things realistic... and wait and see. :)

Vagabond

I am very excited for 2010. Very excited. if i can stick to this bucket list, then some very exciting things will be happening.

In february, Christina and Latoya are having a fashion show, and asked me to be one of their models. Win. there's one. :) I have a show to photograph on friday, so there is 1 show of the 10 i wanted to see and photograph. I have also registered for a photography class (how to use photoshop) in March. so that is one class of the two that i wanted to take this year down :). And the whole quitting smoking thing is a little rougher than i thought... not quite working... but i have all year ;)

"Cuz i'll tell you all about living free..." - Vagabond by Wolfmother. This song i have had on repeat for about 4 days now. that is how i feel, i feel like i am (through this blog and the things i am beginning to take charge of) starting to tell everyone about how living free. :) win!

The photo i have up top is a photo i took during the summer. I was driving with Christina, the windows were down, the sun was setting, it was perfectly warm, and i had a little Eli Wolf on my lap. It felt freeing--Summer, the love of a little doggie, pictures while she drove, cigarrettes, and friendship. ANNNND the days are getting longer!!! All these things put together make me feel like i am taking my life back, and moving past what happened to me last year. Watch out world, Danae is back. <3

Dancing in the rain

I saw the movie 500 Days of Summer a couple of Days ago. I LOVE movies like that one--i wouldn't necessarily call it Indie, because of all the big names in it, but it was definitely of an Indie movie flavor. Indie movies are just icnredible--they make you feel so much. They make yuo think, introspect, and allows you to indulge in the different types of relationships people encounter in life. Well, at least, that has been my experience with Indie comedies/romance movies. Here are three examples: Garden State, Happy Accidents, Henry Poole is Here, Juno, SLC Punk, and 500 Days of Summer.

These movies tend to really play a symphony with your emotions. One of the fantastic ways they do this is via the soundtrack. I would have to say that the Garden State soundtrack was probably the best soundtrack i had ever heard when i first saw it. Then Henry Poole is Here came along, and i was floored again. THEN 500 Days fo Summer came along and i died. The soundtrack is simply beautiful. I was describing one of the songs off the soundtrack to a friend and i said, "You have to listen to this song, it just maes me want to dance in the rain!!"

This song is Vagabond by Wolfmother. Some songs you hear, just wash over you and entertain you with their melody, others speak to you and leave you with a message, and other songs, like Vagabond, pierce right through to your soul and you have no way to escape, all you can do is let it work through you--and you are left with a message/feeling/perspective that you would have never ever gotten by looking at something or even hearing someone speak. I like to say that these songs "Make me want to die." That doesn't mean i don't like it, but the song is SO good, i just want to die with happiness. Also, these songs can make you feel very sad too, depending on the tone of the song... such as Passengar Seat by Death Cab for Cutie. Any song that makes someone feel SO DEEPLY i say makes me want to die. And that is no bad thing :). It is incredible that a song can make a person feel so strongly.

All that to say, i am simply awestruck by what music can do. Especially by my latest song that i have on repeat, Vagabond. If you haven't heard it, you NEED TO. You will want to die :).

<3

Therapy, Margaritas, and Mentors

So last night was a blast. i was having such a rough day (read previous post), and then i went out with my bestest friend in the whole world and one of the strongest women i know. I got to see the inner workings of Christina's thought processes, got to enjoy the company of my closest friends, and garnish it all with a margarita that was simply orgasmic :P.

God is good. Even though some of the things i have been through in my short life have been difficult, God never gives us more than we can handle. And when you feel like you can't do it, like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, or like your chest might just cave in because of anxiety, you have to realize that it's during THESE times that God is carrying you. Like in the footprints poem. Because of this poem, i now want a tattoo portraying that, and have the last line, "It was then that i carried you" somewhere around the picture. It has given me so much comfort and Shalom. The picture above is an example of what i might get on my lower back once i have that kind of cash to simply blow. God is GOOD!

Where have all the good men gone?!

So. Men. I am beginning to think all the good ones are dead. Or gay. Or taken.

It is so difficult to put yourself out there to meet people. And once you do, you have no idea what this person is like, or what their past is, but you hope that they are a decent human being who will at least try and be kind, and not treat you badly. You'd hope that they would be open with you, and not treat you like a nagging little kid who won't leave you alone. You'd think they would have the decency to treat you like a human being, and not like a sex object. You'd think for all those guys who say they just want a normal girl that there would be "plenty of fish in the sea". But you see, those guys don't say what they want said normal girl for... and THAT is the problem i am running into. These guys who just want normal girls don't want relationships, and the guys who DO want relationships are so damn picky and rude that it makes me think i want to start dating chicks soon... no just kidding. But you see what i mean.

I am simply tired of putting myself out there and having guys just push me to the curb. I am so so SO tired of it. i have yet to meet a guy who just wants to get to know me and have a relationship... and when i do meet a nice guy, i hear things like i am still getting over my ex... and our relationship ended two years ago... seriously? why can't a guy recognize when he has something good in front of him?!? guys need to smarten the fuck up. cuz i am so done.

I feel like this picture above. So serene, so simple, so pretty, a picture you would want to know more about possibly... but all alone. Alone sitting in a HUGE open space, just staring at my own reflection, afraid to look up because i don't want to think of how alone i feel...

But i have to look at the bright side of things. i HAVE to. Because i am not alone. I have friends, many friends, who mean more to me than my family does sometimes. And i have God, and he carries us when we can't carry on on our own.

There is hope. There has to be.